How to change, and make it stick

Be bold for change!

These were the words on the lips of many powerful women in commemoration of the International Women’s Day, just a few weeks ago.

I read many of the write-ups and memes with some level of detachment at first. Then curiosity. And that’s because I strongly believe that it is difficult to push other people to change, it’s hard enough trying to change yourself. So telling someone ‘Change!’ is most times futile.

Yes, you can help someone change. But not by telling them to change. At least if you want true, lasting change.

What works is to sow the seed for change. And making sure that the seed gets enough moisture and nurturing.

How do I mean? A thought, an idea, an image, a discussion, an article, the right movie, even music with the right lyrics – just make sure to point their attention to the lyrics. So they’re not happily jamming to the beats only, lol. These are all seeds for change.

If you have someone in your life who you need to help change, don’t badger them with a constant reminder to change….”you just can’t continue like this”, “you need to change, or else….” Or else what? It never works. This kind of badgering only builds resentment, and rebellion…. “I’m waiting to see you carry out your threat”, or “I quit” kind of reaction.

And this is also useful in marketing, you expose a pain point to a client, then you start to badger them to take your change pill. After some time, they really wonder why it concerns you so much, and may just switch off and become immune to your badgering. Your job really is to keep the pain versus what change looks like in front of them often enough. No more. Don’t nag or badger.

Helping someone change is a subtle process.

No one likes to be overly pushed to do something they aren’t quite ready for, including you. Everyone arrives when they arrive. Let them arrive.

Change management is a well developed practice, probably complete with it’s own body of knowledge. And all of that is very useful especially for organisations.

But in reality, people only truly change if they arrive at that change on their own. Then you don’t have to wonder whether they’ll go back. They have realised the need for the change, and they now own their own change.

I remember my pastor telling a story about how he eventually quit smoking. This gentleman had become born again, but he was still a chain smoker – two conflicting identities. Then he came in contact with the concept of confessions, and he wrote a confession of his new identity in Christ.

So, he would go ahead and confess, but still smoked, after some time what he was confessing eventually took root in his heart, and he stopped smoking of his own accord.

Voila! That’s how to help someone (yourself too) change. Expose them to the image or concept or idea of who you’re trying to help them become (change into) often enough, and it begins to take root. That’s why the bible admonishes to guard your heart (mind) with all diligence. Everything you expose your mind to is a seed, and if you keep at it, it will take root, and you will begin to conform without realising.

Now, this post was really supposed to be about the changes I plan to make on the blog, but has turned out to be about ‘how to change’. Seems like this blogging has become a ministry, so it’s as the spirit leads, hahahaha….

So, to the announcement – Over the next one month or so, I’m going to be settling into a new blogging schedule. I love posting every Friday, and it has sort of become second nature. But, I need the time and energy to finish up a very important project. So, I will be posting a bit less frequently. I’m just willing to explore and settle into a schedule that allows me do some other things. And you bet, the seed for this change was sown over the last couple of weeks. Now, I have arrived and ready to change.

Don’t forget to guard your heart with all diligence!

I’ll miss you too, right! Of course, if you see me ‘drive’ past, holler at your girl….lol.

Hearty Cheers!

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